oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
