he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
