I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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