I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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