Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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