Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
