NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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