I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we should paint friendship bongs
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