WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
