well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
