The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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