God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
