My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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