I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I didn't notice because vodka
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
