eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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