He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize