I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
