I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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