wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
