...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
