Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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