I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
