She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
