he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just crazy horny about you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
