Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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