can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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