yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize