I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
