She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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