He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
