bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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