I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
