I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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