2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
