For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
