I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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