What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
