My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
