I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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