I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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