): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
