You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
