We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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