you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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