i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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