How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
