do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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