And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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