My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
