finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
