It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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