HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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