I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
