I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
