actually, I'm a sock model
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
