the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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