Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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