girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
