:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
