Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
