You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
