"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
