I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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