So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
