You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
