1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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