WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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