the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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