i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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